i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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