People in love make me want to vomit
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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