I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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