Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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