I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
