So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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