ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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