I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
