Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
