i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
How's work?
Spinning.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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