every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
