I accidentally had phone sex last night
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
