Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
