i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
