If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize