i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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