He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
This house was built for laser tag.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
