I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
