I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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