I accidentally had phone sex last night
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
