I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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