Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
