Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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