Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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