Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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