just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Randomize
