so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
