yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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