I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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