Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize