Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
