I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
