he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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