I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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