Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
