you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
