Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
