I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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