Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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