I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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