apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
