You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
