I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
