Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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