I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
