Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
