We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
