So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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