He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
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