Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize