Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
