my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
