Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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