Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
