Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
