Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
