the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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