The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
