If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
