So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The feeling are messing with the penis
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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