I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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