just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
