so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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