We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
