I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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