big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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