IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
