you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
