I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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