So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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