their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She's the barista slut.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize